I am feeling really down today.
I am in the early stages of starting a new business, and for the first few months of planning and investigating I was just excited, and that carried me through the bad days. Right now it feels like every issue unfolds into five sub-issues, and I’ve started something with so many interdependancies that I can hardly get my brain around it.
Basecamp is helping a lot, because I have used it to make To-Do lists for every sub-section of work, and added due dates when required. My boyfriend has also been encouraging, and great for bouncing ideas off and helping to work out tricky problems and the best way forward.
But it’s not enough. I am, when it comes down to it, on my own. The only time things get done is when I do them. Everything depends on me. I feel overwhelmed, and like I’ve lost the will to continue and the exciting dream has been smothered by doubt. I’ve talked before here about how I am not a plodder, and how hard I find it to just keep moving forward. I’ve also had a couple of experiences recently where friends have refused to even try out the product and at this early stage that’s quite crushing. I’m also teaching two days a week to cover my bills and help to avoid taking any money from the business, but stress around lesson planning and students is taking up another two days of the week. I can feel the excitement waning away, and there is nobody here to take it over and keep it going.
My family and boyfriend are encouraging – and that is so important and means so much, it is absolutely not to be underestimated – but when there is physically nobody else to do any of the plethora of pressing work items then that is a hard thing to cope with all on it’s own.
I am hoping for a tipping point: the excitement of finally seeing the product come together, or the excitement of the first sale. But right now those seem like almost impossible dreams that are a long way off. The only thing keeping me stumbling forward through the confusion of the task list is one quote I came across last year:
“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.”
Vincent van Gogh
If I keep doing even one small thing a day, I am still going forwards, and that is important. I haven’t stalled. I haven’t quit. Hopefully the universe can wait for me just a litte bit longer.